your thong is hanging out like whoa
Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize