I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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