she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
