Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
