He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
