so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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