watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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