Fine. I'll sleep in my office
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
