He asked to "fluff my boner.."
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
