Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
high people should be assigned attendants
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
