wanna go halves on a baby?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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