STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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