just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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