That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
