Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Randomize
