Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
