i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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