And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
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