I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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