Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I can text with my tongue
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
The struggles of a small town man whore
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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