I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
