i may or may not be watching the land before time
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
