drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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