Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
The Olympian is in my bed
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize