smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
