It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
