My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
