Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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