I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
