I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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