ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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