someone get that fucking seahorse.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Well I just put wine in my tea
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
