im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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