I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
