Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize