we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
