She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
