bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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