this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
