I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
