He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
