I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
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