well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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