I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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