I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize