Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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