I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
