I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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