Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I skipped work to stalk him.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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