They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize