I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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