I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
