did you get engaged???
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
