Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
