smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
