pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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