i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
