Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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