my mouth tastes like poor choices
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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