Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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