His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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