3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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