I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
