I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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