let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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