So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
