I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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