all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize