I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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