he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
