we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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