so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
We smell like vodka and hangover
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
