i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize